Reckless
by never-be-blue90
Summary: They smile at each other, and for a moment it almost feels like old times. And Mary can't help but feel that these moments have been few and far between since her second marriage. Something in her face must have betrayed her line of though, because Tom's tone is more serious when he next speaks."Are you really so unhappy?"
1. One

It was the hottest day of the year. In fact Mary could scarcely remember a day filled with such sweltering heat. The house was almost deathly quiet, and she had retired to her room for a spot of light reading. Lord and Lady Grantham were in London staying with Rosamund for a few days and Mary, at Tom's suggestion, had given most of the servants leave for a few days holiday while they were gone. It hardly made sense to have the full staff waiting on so few people. Even Henry was gone, having only just moved in a month previously. Mary had been beginning to get sick of him complaining about having nothing to do when an old friend of his had invited him to Italy to look at some new car models. He'd left the day before.

Mary lay on her bed and flicked absently through the pages of her magazine, trying to ignore the stifling temperature of the room and wondering if Edith was still sitting in the library. Perhaps it would be cooler down there, but Mary wouldn't dare go down if it meant having to share the room with her sister. They were on speaking terms again after the Bertie Pelham incident, though Edith had become less and less cheerful as the months passed.

It was then she heard a small knock and looked up to see Tom sticking his head round the door. She smiled and he took that as an invitation to enter the room. He isn't wearing his jacket, just a waistcoat over a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Mary can't help but think how disapproving Carson would be had he not been given a few days leave to go to the seaside with Mrs Hughes

"It's strange to have the house so empty. I came to see how you were doing"

"Without Henry?" Mary turned back to her magazine "Marvellously"

"You don't mean that" said Tom dismissively.. "I'm sure you miss him"

Mary shrugged "What is there to miss? I'm just grateful to have a few days where I don't have to divide up my attention to include him."

And then without really thinking she added "I miss the days when the only things I had to focus on were George and the estate".

She hadn't really meant to say it, but over the years she'd gotten used to speaking her mind with Tom without fear of judgment or repercussions. Tom gave her a weak smile. The one he always gave her right about he was about to disagree with her about something.

"It just takes some getting used to, I suppose. You haven't had much time to get used to each other."

"Do you miss him?" asked Mary sharply.

"Not especially, no"

"And here I thought the two of you were best friends"

Tom sat down in the chair by Mary's dressing table and was quiet for a moment, as though trying to find the right words before speaking.

"I admit it's nice to be around someone who shares my enthusiasm for cars. I can't say we have much else in common to talk about. He asked me to go to Italy with him you know?"

Mary hadn't known. She and Henry hadn't talked about Italy much after she had flatly refused to go with him.

"Why didn't you?" she asked.

Tom shrugged "I didn't think I'd enjoy it that much. I'd much rather stay here"

"And listen to Edith's pining over Bertie Pelham and stories about her newspaper?"

Tom shot her a disapproving look. They hadn't spoken about it but she could tell there was still a part of him that was angry with her for how she had treated Edith.

"Is there anyone's company you enjoy?" he asked. Mary turned back to her magazine, not wanting to meet his eye. He must've thought she was very invested in the article, but the truth was she hadn't read a word since he had entered the room.

"I don't mind you" she said nonchalantly. Tom gave a small laugh.

"That was almost a compliment there"

Despite herself, Mary glanced up and allowed herself a smirk.

"Well you always did say I was nicer than I wanted people to think".

They smile at each other, and for a moment it almost feels like old times. And Mary can't help but feel that these moments have been few and far between since her second marriage. Something in her face must have betrayed her line of though, because Tom's tone is more serious when he next speaks.

"Are you really so unhappy?" He doesn't add "With Henry". He doesn't need to. Mary closes her magazine and sits up on the bed.

"Not unhappy, no...just not quite comfortable. It's as though things aren't fitting into place the way they should"

"You mean Henry isn't fitting in "says Tom carefully, pushing his shirt sleeves further up his arms.

"I did tell him he'd be bored here, but he refused to listen" replies Mary with a sense of relief, glad to finally be able to voice her thoughts on her marriage. "And besides you and I, he doesn't make any effort to talk to anyone. Not unless it's about something he's interested in. I've suggested he go up to the nursery and spend some time with George, but he just keep saying he'll get round to it at some point. He keeps complaining that he has nothing to do. I know he gets terribly bored when you and I are busy with the estate all day"

Tom is quiet for a moment, as though he's struggling with himself over whether or not to say what he's thinking. If anything, the temperature seemed to have gotten even warmer. Mary can see the sun glinting furiously through the window. When Tom speaks, this time it's him who looks away, avoiding eye contact.

"Do you think he's jealous?"

This catches Mary off guard, and she laughs in spite of herself. The conversation was taking a turn she hadn't expected. This was something she hadn't even considered. Though she does smile as she continues, the implication that her and Tom would be up to anything less than appropriate was rather amusing.

"Why should he be? It's not like there's anything improper in it. You and I have been working on the estate together since long before I even met him."

"No reason really, it's just that most men wouldn't be too pleased if their wife spent the majority of her time with another man".

"He knew how it was going to be when he married me" says Mary firmly. "Besides if he doesn't like it then that's his problem. Downton comes first...heavens, it is hot in here".

With the subject changed, the mood in the room instantly becomes lighter. Tom seems to sense there's no point in pushing the matter of Henry Talbot any further. He stands.

"I thought we could take a walk, maybe take the children down to the stream"

"Nanny's taking them down to the village for luncheon at Isobel's. It'll just have to be you and I".

"I can live with that" says Tom, as Mary says standing and going to her closet to choose a hat. She stops herself. To hang with the hat, she thought, in this weather it will just be unnecessary.

"I warn you though" says Mary as they leave her room, unable to resist teasing. "This better not be an attempt to get me alone and involved in some scandalous affair".

Tom laughs "And what would you do if it was?"

"Well I suppose we'll just have to find that out won't we".


	2. Two

The walk down to the stream proved to be just as refreshing as Mary had hoped, due to both Tom's company and the slight cooling breeze. They talk about the old times, about days gone by. Conversation came easily between them, as it always had done. Mary, surprised that Tom hadn't heard the story before, recounted the story of the time Rose had snuck off to meet her married lover at a dance club, before eventually being tracked down and brought home. As they reached the stream and began to follow the path along its bank, Mary was just finishing the tale.

"And that's why she was sent back to her parents, you see. Of course she cut off all contact with Mr Margadale after that. You know Aunt Rosamund met him and his wife at a party about a year ago. He didn't know her at first but apparently his face went white when the hostess introduced them and he realised where he recognised her from"

"Did she say anything to him about it?" asksed Tom.

"She said she didn't feel the need to. Apparently things between Mr and Mrs Margadale were looking very strained without any help from her. But that's to be expected I suppose. Surely he must have known he couldn't carry on having affairs with young girls without his wife taking some notice. I don't know how people expect to get away with these things"

"Perhaps some people just enjoy the risk" suggested Tom with a shrug.

They came to a halt a few moments later, enjoying a moment in the shade provided by the trees along the river bank. The small path they'd been following began its slight incline up to the main road. Across the stream stretched the old stone bridge which allowed cars and carts to cross the wide but shallow stream. It's a comfortable silence in which they pause, taking in the scenery. Tom looks down at the water, hands in his pockets and a half smile on his face as though lost in thought.

"What is it?" Mary asks.

"When I was a child back in Ireland we, the children from the village that is, used to play in the river on days like this." Mary always found herself surprised whenever Tom mentioned moments from his past, his childhood having been so different from the one she and her sisters had experienced. Though she'd had luxuries Tom had not, she always found herself a little jealous of the freedoms he'd been allowed.

"Granny would be delighted to hear you say that" she said with a smile "She always likes to think that your upbringing in Ireland was something similar to being raised somewhere in an African jungle"

"It was just the thing to cool you down in the heat though" He said almost wistfully "It would be perfect on a day like today".

Mary thought for a moment. Even in the shade of the trees, the heat was becoming particularly unbearable.

"What if someone were to see us?"

Tom turned to look at her, grinning in disbelief.

"Don't tell me you want to get in?"

"No of course not" Mary says, and it only sounds a little like a lie. "All I was thinking was it would be rather nice to put my feet in, even for a moment or so. But I'm being silly"

Tom doesn't seem to believe her even for a moment. He shoots her a smile and moves off the path and towards the stream. The grassy banks are short but steep. Tom has removed his socks and shoes and rolled up his trouser legs, and before Mary can say a word to stop him he's made the short jump into the water with a splash and is ankle deep in the stream.

"Tom, this is ridiculous" she calls to him as he paddles through the shallow water.

"Oh for heaven's sake Mary, what does it matter? There's no one around" Tom laughs. Mary glances around their surroundings just in case. But he's right, of course, they're completely alone. Mary hesitates.

"Mary just get in the water" Tom calls. "You said yourself that you want to".

Mary couldn't help but admire him. Standing in the water, shirt sleeves rolled to his elbows, the sun on his face, Tom looked so comfortable. She always wished she could be as dismissive as he was when it came to the rules of proper society. She'd always been brought up to do exactly as was expected of her, letting go of those expectations was hard at times. Surely this was harmless though.

"Fine" she says, giving in and slipping off her shoes. The slope into the water was rather steeper than she would have liked. "You'll have to help me in"

As Tom wades back over to her, Mary gather up the hemline of her skirt slightly in one hand. When Tom arrives in front of her, she places her other hand on his shoulder. Tom follows her lead and puts both of his hands on her waist.

"I've got you" he says, holding her steady and lifting her down to join him in the water. The water lapping around her ankles is delightfully cooling, and Mary instantly puts any thought of worrying about societies rules out of her head. Tom's hands are still on her waist. Then their eyes meet and he instantly drops his arms back to his sides and takes a step backwards.

"See, what did I tell you? It's not so bad"

Mary flashes him a coy smile. "I dare say you'll make a rebel of me yet, Mr Branson".

He seems to take that as a challenge and makes his way out towards the middle of the stream. "Come out further then, I dare you".

Mary follows him, carefully treading the unfamiliar surface of the riverbed. She's just about to reach him when a rumbling sound in the distance alerts her to the presence of a horse and cart, probably belonging to some farmer by the look of it, approaching from the road leading to the bridge.

"Someone's coming" she warns him, as loud as she dares. Tom follows her gaze and, noticing the cart too, grabs her by the hand.

"Under the bridge" he says, leading her quickly towards it and out of sight. Safely hidden, Mary glances back to where they've left their things, but is relieved to find that they'd be impossible for a passerby to notice.

It's cool and dark under the old bridge, Mary and Tom stand close in wait together as the noise of the cart grows louder and louder until it stops suddenly.

"Is he gone?" Mary whispers. She hadn't realised Tom had still been holding her hand until he lets go, edging out from under the bridge to look up. There's a sudden thunder above as the cart starts back up again and Tom jumps back under the bridge, tripping as he does and landing in the water with a splash. Luckily, the sound was covered by the din from above. Tom, unharmed, stifles a laugh and Mary covers her own mouth to keep from laughing aloud. They stay under the bridge giggling like children until the sound of the horse and cart fades into the distance.

"Are you okay?" Mary asks as soon as it's safe to do so, reaching out a hand to help Tom out of the water.

"I'll live" he replied with his signature grin. They come out of their hiding place and back into the sunlight. Tom is thoroughly soaked, though it doesn't seem to bother him one bit. His light brown suit is now splashed in patches that are make it look ten times darker, his white shirt almost see through. There's water dripping from his hair onto his face.

"Look at the mess you're in" exclaims Mary, imagining having to take him back to the house in this state.

"You're not much better yourself" retorts Tom in mock defence. Mary looks down at herself. She's managed to get her skirt splashed up to her knees, having let go of her hemline to help Tom up. She looks back up and when she catches Tom's eye they both burst out laughing.

"Thank you" Mary says, when they finish. "For coming to check on me earlier and making me come with you. It's good for me to be brought out of my comfort zone...and I haven't laughed like this in a long time"

Tom suddenly looks rather solemn.

"I know" he says quietly "I'm sorry"

"No forget I said anything" says Mary. She thought they'd made the silent agreement not to talk about the state of her marriage. They'd been having such a lovely day. "Let's not put a cloud over today by talking about all that just now"

"You're right" says Tom, perking up. Mary takes a few steps closer to him, an idea forming in her head that made her feel very unlike herself. Tom had brought out a different side of her.

"I'm sorry too".

"Sorry for what?" asks Tom, confused.

"For this" she says, leaning down and giving him a good splash with the water. Tom seems stunned for a moment, unsure of how to react. But then he too bends down and makes a move to splash her. Mary is quicker though, and gets out of the way just in time. Tom is persistent though and doesn't hesitate before trying again to exact his revenge. Mary gives a gasp as the cool water splashes up her arms.

"You started it" says Tom with laugh, pointing his finger at her. Not enjoying being beaten, Mary makes a few steps towards him and as Tom turns to move out of the way she manages to send a splash of water up his back, soaking the parts of his waistcoat that had survived his fall in the stream. He whips around to face her.

"I'll get your for that"

Mary turns to make her escape before he can try and get even. This time, though, Tom is quicker and he moves behind her and catches her around the waist before she can get away.

Mary turns around in his arms, placing her hands on his chest to steady herself, the both of them laughing and dripping with water. As he realises she's not about to run away, Tom's hold around her becomes less of a restraint and almost like an embrace.

"Well...you've got me." Mary says, a little surprised at how out of breath her voice sounds. She's not sure if she and Tom have ever been this close before. They've never even danced together. The moment feels strangely intimate and the way Tom is looking at her, his eyes wide and full of something that could be anticipation, doesn't make it feel any less so. Mary is very aware of the feeling of his hands on her waist.

Their faces are inches from one another. Mary feels strangely breathless, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. _Just a little closer_ , she thinks. She's not sure which one of them moves first but the next second she finds her lips barely brushing Tom's. It's barely anything, just the ghost of a kiss.

Suddenly, an all too familiar voice sounds from the bridge above.

"What do you think you're doing!?"


	3. Three

"What do you think you're doing!?"

The effect was instantaneous, they broke apart immediately, water splashing as they did so. The Dowager Countess was standing on the bridge above, glaring down at them and waving her parasol as though the sound of her voice hadn't been enough to gain their attention.

"Oh hell" muttered Tom quietly, without really meaning to do so out loud.

"Get up here this instant!"

There was a deathly, awkward silence filled only by the babble of the stream. The water suddenly seemed colder now as it lapped at their ankles, the merriment of the day gone. Tom and Mary quickly obeyed, without argument and they trudged back to the embankment. Climbing up the side, Tom offered his hand down to Mary in assistance. She hesitated for a moment before sliding her hand loosely onto his. She wouldn't meet his gaze though, she couldn't bring herself to, and instantly let go of his grasp the second they were safely back on the path.

By the time they had gathered their belongings and made it up the path onto the bridge, Violet Crawley was seething. Tom wasn't sure if he had ever seen her so angry, and he rather felt like a child about to be scolded. The Dowagers car was parked on the bridge, with her chauffer inside looking blankly ahead and doing very well at pretending not to notice the situation unfolding.

"We were just-" Mary began with a fixed smile, in a voice that was evidently meant to sound jovial in an attempt to normalise the situation despite her dripping and dishevelled appearance, but her grandmother raised a gloved hand to silence her before she could say another word.

"Now" she began, her voice steady "I never thought the day would come that I would want to hear that a member of my family had taken up a career on the stage but please tell me that this scene I have just witnessed was merely the two of you rehearsing for some play in which you are to appear".

Neither Tom nor Mary answered.

"Well...do you have an explanation?" Violet asked impatiently. The both of them began to speak at once in a flurry of words.

"It was my fault Grandmamma..."

"No, I was the one who-"

"You see I'd fallen in the stream and Tom was just helping-"

The Dowager cut the both of them off, with a wave of her gloved hand.

"Neither one of you is as good of a liar as you think...I can't pretend I hadn't noticed that the two of you spending an awful lot of time together over the past few years but I must say I never in my wildest imaginings expected to stumble across this. I mean, what were you thinking? Mary, you are a married woman"

"I don't...-"Mary began.

"Have you completely lost your mind? You can't be seen cavorting around in streams while your husband is off somewhere in another continent. And as for you..." she said turning on Tom before he could say or even think of a word to defend himself. "I thought we'd long since tamed you of your rebellious streak. I thought you had more sense".

"Oh Granny, you mustn't blame Tom".

"Shouldn't I?" asked Violet as she fixed them both with her signature glare "Please tell me, at least, that this is not a regular activity".

"Honestly Granny, you're over reacting "said Mary impatiently, rolling her eyes. "Tom and I were just having a bit of childish fun. We got carried away, there's no need to start acting like we're trying to cause some sort of a scandal"

"No?" The Dowagers eyes flickered between the pair of them, as thought trying to decide how to best proceed with the situation at hand. When she next spoke, it was clear that her words were chosen carefully.

"I suppose...if you both insist that there is no reason for this situation to cause any worry, perhaps we could all agree to put it behind us?...I know you both know the risks you were running today. So long as it doesn't happen again, I'm happy to pretend that none of this ever happened".

Mary breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was to be at war with her grandmother over something that hadn't even happened. _It had barely been a kiss_ , she told herself. Certainly not something for anyone to get worked up over. If anything, she was eager to brush the incident off as quick as possible. Beside her, Tom had suddenly become very interested in gazing at the ground.

"I promise you Granny, you've nothing to worry about." Mary's smile became fixed again. It was a look she used so often that most of the time she was hardly aware of it. "Isn't that right, Tom?"

"Absolutely" piped in Tom, his features taking on a rather serious appearance "I'm sorry if we've caused you any distress, Lady Grantham. It was just a bit of silliness, I take full responsibility".

Whether the Dowager had believed anything either of them had said to her was unclear.

"Well, we'll say no more of it" she said grimly "Come on then, get in the car the pair of you and I'll take you back home. Heaven knows you could both do with a bit of a cleanup."

She began to make her way back to the motor, Mary followed dutifully behind before realising that Tom had not moved.

"If it's ok with you, I think I'd rather walk"

"Yes, that might be for the best" agreed the Dowager as she eyed his wet clothes. "Especially in the state you're in"

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Mary sat in silence during the short journey back to the house. Inside the car was unbearably stuffy, and her wet clothes made her all the more uncomfortable. In fact, the whole day's events had made her uncomfortable. Not that she had allowed herself time to think things over much. That would only overcomplicate things. Instead, she focused on listening to her grandmother talk. Or rather, complain.

"It's really just by chance I was passing by "she was saying "I had been going to pay Isobel a visit but when I arrived I found her running around in the garden with the children like some sort of mad woman. So I made my excuses and decided to come up here to see how you all were doing. It's just as well that I did".

When Mary made no comment, she continued, though her approach was softer this time.

"You're not stupid, I know. And if you say it was nothing I believe you. But it's a thin line you're walking on. Take my advice, don't let it go any further. I think it might be for the best if the two of you see a little less of each other"

"There's no need for that Granny" said Mary, barely hiding her exasperation.

"If you say so" replied her Grandmother in the tone she always used when she felt she was right. "But you know as well as I do that a woman in your position has everything to lose".

 _ **Not so thrilled with this chapter, sorry for the long wait. It should get more exciting after this. Please let me know what you think and if you want to see more, because I'm not sure how good it is. Reviews help though, because then I know what you'd like to see more or less of. Thanks for reading.**_


	4. Four

"Granny, we weren't expecting you. Are you joining us for lunch?" asked Edith in a tone of pleasant surprise as they walked into the entrance hall. Mary, who had barely spoken a word on the way home made her way quickly to the stairs.

"I'm going up to change" she called back, hoping to avoid any awkward questions about the state of her attire. Edith must have noticed though, because Mary could hear the conversation between her sister and grandmother as she made her way upstairs.

"Why is her dress all wet? What happened to it?"

"She was caught in a rain shower, that's why I picked her up"

"There hasn't been any rain, there's not a cloud in the sky"

"Oh do stop being so argumentative all the time Edith, I'm an old woman with not much else to do with my time than stare out of windows. I think I know what the weather is like".

If Edith had a retort for her Grandmother, Mary didn't stop to hear it and instead made her way to her room to seek a drier outfit for luncheon and a moment alone to gather her thoughts. She dressed herself, having insisted that Anna take advantage of the house being half empty to take a few days for herself before the baby was born.

Henry's presence was very strong in their room, with his things dotted around the place. Mary couldn't help but feel, as he'd moved his possessions in, that he was trying a little too hard to integrate himself into her life. As though he was trying to prove he belonged. Mary suddenly didn't want to be in the room anymore, as much as she wanted a few moments without her grandmothers disapproving glare. There was a particularly hideous lampshade that Henry had brought with him from his home in London which Mary had hated on sight but said nothing about. She could see her reflection glinting off the brass stand and it was horribly distracting.

 _I haven't done anything wrong. I shouldn't feel guilty._

Mary silently chastised herself for being so silly. Of course there was no reason to worry, no reason to get worked up at all. It was only Tom, and a reckless moment brought on by the heat of the day. That was all. With new resolve and a dry set of clothes, Mary left the room.

Tom was coming up the stairs just as she began to descend them, looking wet and forlorn. None the less, he smiled when he saw her.

"I had a lovely time today" said Mary, praying he would be as eager to gloss over the incident as she was. His smile disappeared.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"Nonsense, I'm just as much to blame as you are" said Mary dismissively, walking until she was just a few steps above him. "Honestly Tom, you've nothing to worry about. Granny was just being overdramatic; you know what she's like".

Tom seemed to sense that those would be her final words on the matter, he runs a hand through his hair and Mary doesn't think she's ever seen him look so relieved.

"I better go and get changed" he says, taking a few steps up until they were level with each other.

"When you're ready come down for some lunch"

Tom shakes his head and offers a small smile, making his way to the top of the staircase.

"I think it's better if I stay out of your grandmother's way for a while. And yours too, maybe. It's probably for the best, I don't want to say or do anything I'll regret".

"Don't avoid me over this" Mary said sternly, worried for the first time that the friendship that had come to mean so much to her was possibly at risk. Tom looked uncomfortable.

"I'm not avoiding you" he says with an almost tired sounding sigh. It was as though he'd gone over this conversation a million times in his mind on the walk back to the house. "I just don't want to be the cause of anymore trouble in this house".

"Can't we just move past it?" Mary asked, determined not to sound as though she was pleading with him. Pretend nothing had happened, that was the only way forward as far as she could see."Granny's overreacting. You and I both know that today was hardly a scandal. I don't see why it should come between us, and I don't want it to."

"You're right, I'm sorry" Tom consigned with a small shrug. "It won't. Can you tell your grandmother I'm sorry if today caused her any distress."

"Oh you needn't worry about that" beamed Mary, thrilled to be back in control of the situation. She began to head down the staircase "The only thing that would really distress her would be if nothing exciting happened at all".

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"What are you up to today?" Tom asked the next morning as they were finishing breakfast, Edith having just left the room to go and visit Marigold. Mary raised an eyebrow suspiciously at him. It was one thing to gloss the situation over, another to spend yet another day alone with the man she had almost kissed.

"What did you have in mind after yesterday's antics?"

"Nothing in particular, I'm just asking in case you want to go anywhere. We could go into York?"

"I'd like that actually, there are a few things I need to get".

They arranged to leave within the hour, as Mary went upstairs to get ready. Tom was surprised when, half an hour later, he was waiting in the car and both Mary and Edith emerged from the house together.

"I hope you don't mind me coming along" said Edith as she climbed into the passenger seat of the vehicle. Tom didn't mind, of course, but her presence was rather unexpected "I'm in desperate need of a new sunhat. The old one's just gotten so outdated; I was thinking I'd go for something more modern".

"Really you do tell the most interesting stories" said Mary dryly as she slid into the back seat. "I'm surprised no one has approached you asking to make a picture about your life.

It wasn't until they'd been wandering around aimlessly in York for an hour that Tom finally managed to get a moment alone with Mary, as Edith ducked into a nearby shop.

"I thought we weren't going to avoid each other" he asked casually as they waited outside.

"I'm not sure what you're getting at" replied Mary, suddenly becoming very interested in the display in the shop window.

"Just that Edith was probably very taken aback when you invited her to spend the day with you. Are you so desperate to avoid being alone with me?"

"You've always been more tolerant of Edith than I have, I didn't think you'd mind. Why?" asked Mary stubbornly, putting on a horribly fixed smile. "Do you want to be alone?" I'll go and tell her to make her own way back. Or you and I can just leave right now without telling her if you'd like, if you're so desperate for us to be alone".

"Oh for god's sake" snapped Tom. He hated when she did that, when she used that haughty false persona to appear cold and avoid facing things she didn't like. "It was barely a kiss and now you seem to think I'm out to seduce you at every turn".

Mary looked as though she'd just been slapped, and Tom was just about to apologise but a second later she was back to using her fixed smile as Edith emerged from the shop carrying a box.

"That's me sorted out, are you two ready to go home?"

Neither one of them replied.

 **You guys deserve better than this for all the time I've made you wait. This is kind of all over the place, I'm torn between wanting to get the story told and trying to keep it believable. I don't want it to seem too rushed.**

 **Reviews are, as always, a joy to get.**


	5. Five

Tom left as abruptly as possible, offering some half formed excuse about going to buy a new pair of shoes. Whether either of the sisters even remotely believed him, he never waited to find out, leaving them instead to go for lunch together. When he rejoined them half an hour later they seemed to have been bickering again, though Tom seriously doubted that it was due to Mary confiding in Edith about the day in the stream.

The car ride home was one spent in stony silence. Edith made a few forced attempts at starting a conversation, put promptly gave up when it became apparent no one was really in the mood for talking. Tom gripped the steering wheel tighter than usual. He could feel Mary's eyes boring into the back of his skull for the entirety of the journey, and he silently cursed himself for his earlier outburst.

She was his sister in law, for Christ sake, his partner in running the estate, the person that he counted as his closest friend in the world and now he had gone and ruined it all. Created an argument where there should've have been none. In all honesty, he didn't feel guilty about the kiss, if it could even have been called that. The real problem was the upset it had caused between them. Their lips had barely touched, though Tom wasn't sure what would have happened had they not been interrupted. He couldn't bear to think about it. He certainly hadn't been thinking at the time, it had all just seemed so natural, to kiss her in that moment...

They drove up the driveway, Downton looming in the distance, and Tom quickly put the thought out of his mind. He wouldn't have to worry about it for much longer, he decided.

The house, which had been empty and quiet that morning when they had left had become a bustle of activity. Cora and Robert had returned home while they had been away, and the majority of the servants had now returned from their few days leave. The afternoon was spent with the family gathered in the library discussing the goings of the past few days and playing with the children. It was a welcome distraction. If anyone had sensed the tension in the air, no one mentioned it. Tom avoided talking directly to, or even looking at Mary. Edith seemed to be doing the same, but that was nothing new.

It wasn't until later that evening, after they had changed for dinner, that Tom came face to face with Mary in the hallway. She was wearing the deep red dress that he'd always secretly liked on her, which for some reason he didn't quite understand made telling her what he had to say seem even harder.

"I'm going away for a while, it's obviously what's needed. I booked a hotel room while we were in York. I'll announce it at dinner and leave in the morning" he said quietly, although the rest of the family were most likely already downstairs it couldn't help to be careful. This was not a conversation he wanted to have to explain.

"Tom, don't" Despite all her finery, Mary looked pale. It was the first time they'd really looked at each other since York. Tom sighed, determined to follow through with his plan.

"Henry will be back in a week. You don't want me here"

"I do, that's what bothers me"

Tom shifted uncomfortably, daring to take a few steps closer. He needed to make her understand.

"Mary I can't keep living like this, with you hating me. I think if I go away for a little while it would be for the best"

"I don't hate you" Mary's voice was twinged with compassion. She felt like crying, but she was more than used to holding back tears. "Of course I don't".

She stretched an arm out towards Tom but as the sound of the dinner gong echoed through the house she dropped it back to her side. They could hear the others downstairs chatting as they made their way into the dining room.

Tom didn't reply and instead made to step around her to go down for dinner. Mary stepped in front, blocking his path. They stood face to face.

"Will you please just stay?" asked Mary quietly, sounding almost unlike herself. She sounded desperate and she knew it. She'd already been left without Tom once when he'd gone to Boston, she wasn't sure if she could bear it again. The fact that he was leaving because of her made it hurt all the more.

"I can't" said Tom simply, as though he intended that to be the end of his discussion on the matter. He stepped to the side before Mary could stop him, but she had never been one for giving in without a fight. She quickly caught hold of his arm pulled him back to her, surprising even herself when she took his face in both of her hands and kissed him full on the mouth.

This time there was no one to interrupt, no going back. Tom responded with enthusiasm once he'd gotten over the initial shock. For the first few seconds Mary had been afraid he was about to push her away, fetch his suitcase and announce he was leaving a day early. Instead he wrapped an arm around her waist, his other hand coming up to caress her shoulder and becoming entwined with the strap of her gown.

They broke apart moments later when Marys back pressed against the wall and she jumped at the contact. Neither spoke for a few seconds, half in shock as they attempted to process what had just occurred. Tom kept his arm around Mary's waist, reluctant to let her go now he had her. Her hands came to rest on his shoulders.

"We should go down" he said, breathing heavily. "Someone will come looking for us"

"But you're going to stay?" Mary asked. Tom didn't really see how he could possibly have a choice in the matter anymore.

"Yes, I'll stay. You've convinced me"

She beamed and he stepped back, relinquishing his hold on her and allowing her a moment to readjust her dress.

They arrived in the dining room, hiding their smiles and acting for all intents that nothing had changed between them. Dinner that night was more pleasant that it had been in a long time. Robert and Cora talked of London and a particularly funny story incident about getting into the wrong car. The tense atmosphere of the last few weeks seemed to have lifted away. More than once Tom let his eyes drift over to Mary and each time he was surprised to find she was watching him too.

 _What the hell are we doing?_ He wondered, but instantly gave up on the thought. This wasn't something he wanted to spend hours worrying alone over. They needed to talk about it together.

After dinner Tom went through the usual motion of having a drink in the dining room with Robert, but got up to go upstairs after one glass with the excuse of having had a busy day. It wasn't entirely untrue.

Mary was in the drawing room, listening to her mother asking Edith some less than subtle questions about whether or not she'd heard anything from Bertie Pelham. She hadn't, it transpired, though Mary was barely paying attention.

"Tom's gone up to bed so I thought I'd in here a little early tonight" announced her father as he strode in the room, glass in hand.

"You know..." said Mary, choosing her words carefully. This had to be done right if she was to avoid any suspicion. "I think I might go up to bed myself. With the weather being so warm I've been finding it hard to sleep at night. It's left me feeling rather drained today".

With her excuses accepted and the goodnights said, Mary made her exit from the drawing room. She was halfway across the darkening hallway when she saw Tom waiting for her to the side of the room.

"I thought you were going up early?" she asked quietly, not wanting her voice to carry.

"I wanted to talk to you" said Tom, taking her by the hand and drawing her closer into the shadows.

"You do realise what a risk this is?" asked Mary "If someone should find out..."

"I don't care" said Tom sternly, though his voice was almost a whisper. "I've been through a lot these past few years, we both have. Allow me to be selfish just for a bit"

Mary lent in and placed a gloved hand on his cheek.

"Oh Tom" she breathed "What are we doing?"

"What do you want to do?" he asked, aware of just how scandalous the words sounded. To his surprise, Mary beamed at him. He'd always loved it when she smiled, on those rare occasions when she looked like she actually meant it.

"Take me upstairs"

 **Thank you so much for the support you guys have been giving me, I love you all. How did you like this chapter? Definitely more interesting than the last one.**


	6. Six

They decided to go upstairs separately, with Tom going first, just in case anyone happened to see them. Anna wasn't due to start work again until the next day, so Mary knew they would be safe from any interruptions. She hovered impatiently in the shadows as she waited for enough time to pass, jumping at every sound and trying to decipher what she actually intended to do once she entered her bedroom.

Mary had always been proud of herself in not caring in the slightest what others thought about her, always thought of herself as a little rebellious. And of course shed been involved in her fair share of scandal over the years. But this wasn't a week in a far off hotel with Tony Gillingham. This was Tom, this was their home and of course there would be consequences.

 _Not to mention the fact that I'm married_ thought Mary.

Somehow that didn't seem like much of an issue in comparison to the prospect of losing her friendship with Tom. Mary certainly didn't feel married. She didn't know what she now felt for Tom but he was her closest friend, her confidant, her partner in almost every aspect of her life. Losing all of that would surely destroy her.

When it seemed an acceptable amount of time had gone by, she quickly and quietly made her way up the staircase. Tom was waiting for her inside when she opened the door to her bedroom, his dinner jacket folded neatly over the back of her armchair.

"I see you've made yourself comfortable" observed Mary, making sure the door was firmly closed behind her.

"I didn't think you would mind" said Tom casually, only the slightest twinge of nervousness coming through in his voice. She wondered if he'd been up here running everything over in his mind just as she had as she waited downstairs.

"You're assuming I want you in some state of undress" said Mary as she moved towards him, stopped to hover awkwardly a few feet away "Perhaps I just brought you up here to talk"

"Maybe so, but it's warm and I've never liked dinner jackets"

Mary smiles and some of the tension hanging in the air seemed to lift slightly. She begins removing her evening gloves, tucking them away in the drawer. Tom seemed to relax slightly, crossing his arms and leaning back against the dressing table.

"Sometimes I forget you're still the same man who used to drive us around. I'm afraid we rather forced our way of life onto you."

"I like to think I've adapted" Tom replied with a smile.

Mary removed her earrings as he spoke and moved to put them away in the box on the dressing table, coming incredibly close to Tom's side as she did so. As she closed the box she looked up to find him watching her intently.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to send you back to your own room" she said slowly. The words were harder to get out than she had expected, especially with Tom that close to her. She always felt slightly more at ease with him by her side. Tom gave he a small smile as though he had been expecting her to say the words all along.

"I don't want to" continued Mary defensively "But you can't pretend there aren't any repercussions to you staying here.

"I know" said Tom with a small sigh, though neither of them had made any attempt to move and further the distance between them.

"I wish things had turned out differently" Mary spoke without really meaning to. The words seemed to come from nowhere.

Tom frowned "Different how?"

Mary stepped away, running a hand through her hair, choosing to sit herself on the edge of the bed instead. She needed something stable.

"I don't know exactly" she said, sounding slightly exasperated, unable to work out what she actually wanted to say. "Maybe...maybe we should have gone down to that stream a long time ago"

"Do you mean before you got married to Henry?"

"Well it would certainly have altered my decision making about the whole thing"

Tom gave a small, barely audible chuckle and she allows herself the tiniest of smiles.

"I suppose you think I'm in love with you now" Mary shot at him,, as he came to stand by the end of the bed.

"I never said that" said Tom, raising his hands in mock defence.

"It's funny, most men tend to assume it the moment I pay them a compliment"

"You do seem to attract an awful lot of suitors" replied Tom teasingly, daring himself to take a few steps round the bed closer to her but not brave enough to actually sit by her side on the bed. The jewels on her dress were glittering in the lamplight but Mary herself looked tired and unsure.

"But not you?" Mary smiled up at him from where she sat.

"I'm not a suitor

There's a moment of silence between them and then Mary spoke

"You could have been".

Tom shifted uncomfortably at this. "I didn't know I had the option".

Mary smiled weakly at him and patted the space of bed beside her for him to come and sit. He did so, careful to keep a small space between them.

"I'm sorry I kissed you earlier tonight. I just couldn't bear the thought of you leaving, thinking I hated you " Mary confided quietly once he was settled by her side. "You and I have spent almost every day together for years and I never thought twice about the idea of it being something more. And now suddenly I'm married to a complete stranger and it hits me that you're the one man I actually enjoy spending my time with. We're in such a mess"

"We don't have to be" offers Tom. "I can go back to my room right now and we don't ever have to talk about any of this ever again...and you don't have to apologise for kissing me"

"I didn't do it just to stop you from going you know" Mary turned to face Tom full on for the first time since he had sat beside her. "I honestly didn't plan it, but you were going to leave and it was as trthough I couldn't stop myself"

"Well I promise I'm not going to go anywhere" Tom reached over and gave her hand a small squeeze. "Except back to my own room".

He stood but Mary tightened her grip on his hand, and stood alongside him, pulling him back to face her.

"I do want you to stay you know. That is, if things were different I would want you to stay"

"Well I don't want to go" said Tom, choosing his words as carefully as he could. It was becoming hard to think " But we can't keep talking about how things would be if they were different. You have to decide whether you want me to go and for us to never talk about this again or..."

"Or what, Tom? What exactly is my other option in all this? Because honestly I don't want to sit here all night talking about the state of my marriage and the ifs and buts and what could have beens. I'm sick of talking."

Tom swallowed thickly and wondered whether or not to say out loud the words that were in his head before recklessly throwing caution into the wind.

"Either I go... or I stay here, we don't do anymore talking, and you kiss me again like you did before"

Mary dropped his hand instantly and turned away as if to storm of, before turning back as if she was going to say something else. She raised a hand to the side of his face and for a brief moment Tom thought she was going to slap him, it had been a bold comment after all. But instead she cupped his cheek lightly in her hand , catching him off guard, and stepped closer until they were almost pressed against one another. Instinctively he let his hand come to rest on her waist.

"You were right, you know" she said, her voice almost a whisper, her thumb caressing his cheek.

"I usually am but which time are you talking about"

"With everything we've been through in the past few years we should allow ourselves to be a little bit selfish"

"Are you sure about this?" Tom asked. This was the last chance either of them had to back away.

"I thought we were done with talking?" said Mary, a smile playing around her lips. That was all the answer Tom needed as he finally closed the gap between them and kissed her with more passion than he'd thought he had left in him.

 **Well that was a long wait I put you all through, sorry for the delay! I really want to finish this fic but I wasn't sure how much of an audience there was for it. Especially after that terrible Christmas special. I'm definitely happy to keep going though if people are still interested, especially since I've got most of the rest of the fic written anyway. Let me know what you think, I love getting reviews about what you all liked and disliked!**


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